It is with great sadness that I inform my friends and family that I will no longer be singing in the choir at St. Alban's. I will not share all of my reasons for doing so, however I will say that it has become difficult to have an almost toddler in church while trying to concentrate on singing.
I will miss it greatly, don't get me wrong. I will miss it probably more than I miss singing with the Concert Choir at Baylor. Music has been a part of my life for so long that I find it hard to remember a time without it. Performing is in my blood. However, therein lies part of the problem.
I am a performer, however I firmly believe that Mass is not the place to perform, but to worship God and to take part in the sacraments. It is not a place to show off my mad music skillz. I do not want to perform at church. I do not want people to tell me how much they enjoy my singing, or that they wish I were singing a solo instead of another person (this has happened and it breaks my heart to hear). I do not want people to clap for me. I don't even want someone to tell me that my singing brought them closer to God. I am happy that people can find peace with God through music, but to tell me so only strokes my pride.
I do not tell you this to have you feel sorry for me, I do not need pity. I tell you this because I feel you have the right to know. I tell you this so you will not ask me to sing or ask me why I'm not singing. I will continue to sing lullabyes for George, join with the congregation to sing hymns and responsories, and listen to my voice echo in my bathroom while I take a shower. I may even go karaoking with friends, but I can not perform in church. To do so I believe removes humility and fills me with sinful pride.
May God bless and keep you during this Christmas season.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
I apologize for the lack of blogging. These last couple of months have been busy, and I've just recently gotten my office area somewhat usable. Thanksgiving was great (my turkey was EXCELLENT!), and Mom and Oma got to see our new house. My mother-in-law and brother-in-law came to visit for Christmas and are still here.
Ah, Christmas. The lights are up, the tree is up, presents were opened, I lit a wreath on fire with a candle (oops), and George had a blast.
But now George is sick. For the first time. It just breaks my heart to see him sick, babbling with a sore throat (I assume) and coughing. I can hear the phlegm in his throat when he coughs. And he had a fever, too! This afternoon he just wanted to cuddle and fell asleep on my lap. Every time I'd try to lay him down somewhere besides my lap (because he's like an oven!) he'd wake up. My poor sweet baby!
I promise to try to post more often, especially since I have lots of news to share.
Posted by Courageous Grace at 9:58 PM