Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Music

It is with great sadness that I inform my friends and family that I will no longer be singing in the choir at St. Alban's. I will not share all of my reasons for doing so, however I will say that it has become difficult to have an almost toddler in church while trying to concentrate on singing.

I will miss it greatly, don't get me wrong. I will miss it probably more than I miss singing with the Concert Choir at Baylor. Music has been a part of my life for so long that I find it hard to remember a time without it. Performing is in my blood. However, therein lies part of the problem.

I am a performer, however I firmly believe that Mass is not the place to perform, but to worship God and to take part in the sacraments. It is not a place to show off my mad music skillz. I do not want to perform at church. I do not want people to tell me how much they enjoy my singing, or that they wish I were singing a solo instead of another person (this has happened and it breaks my heart to hear). I do not want people to clap for me. I don't even want someone to tell me that my singing brought them closer to God. I am happy that people can find peace with God through music, but to tell me so only strokes my pride.

I do not tell you this to have you feel sorry for me, I do not need pity. I tell you this because I feel you have the right to know. I tell you this so you will not ask me to sing or ask me why I'm not singing. I will continue to sing lullabyes for George, join with the congregation to sing hymns and responsories, and listen to my voice echo in my bathroom while I take a shower. I may even go karaoking with friends, but I can not perform in church. To do so I believe removes humility and fills me with sinful pride.

May God bless and keep you during this Christmas season.

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