Oh Happy Day

It is the day after Easter Sunday, and I figured it was time for an update. I would like to share with you all an inspirational story I found last night, the musings of a lovely lady who was a lost sheep (athiest) for most of her life and found her way into Jesus Christ's flock via the Roman Catholic church. Please visit her blog and read her story. A link to her blog will be added to the list to the right.

Easter was an interesting experience, and even though I've lost my voice from all the singin', I feel that this Lent helped me to discern where I have been going wrong in my life. Last night I cancelled my Lineage 2 account because I finally realized that the game was a very tempting place to give in to anger. I found no joy or fulfillment in it, and I was losing my temper more often than I knew I should.

I do realize that simply removing the temptation to sin is not going to solve my problem, but I think it's a step in the right direction. I am not sure how to stop becoming so angry although I have a pretty good idea it has something to do with submitting myself to God's will instead of my own. Might anyone be able to recommend some good resources?

I hope everyone had a blessed Easter, and I'll try to post more often.

ST34LIN' UR INTERNETZ

So....I spent a few minutes today watching compilations of some of the weirdest and strangest cat pictures posted on the internet. Then I decided I must add my own to the mix. So here it is, for your viewing pleasure, Lily. Yes, this is my picture, it's still on my digital camera, I have proof. I also have the cat, the catbed, and the stuffed Sonic behind her. MY LILY!

Isamashii Yuubi

Some of you may have noticed me use the pseudonym "Isamashii Yuubi". Many years ago, I had an online friend of Japanese descent give me the literal meaning of my name in Japanese.

Anna, my first name, means Grace. Phyrne, my middle name, means Courage. Inverted, my name is "Courageous Grace". The literal translation is Isamashii Yuubi.

The pronounciation guide that was given to me by this friend was "ee-sah-MAH-shee mee-YOO-bee". I'm not quite sure where the "m" sound in the second name comes from, but I believe it has something to do with the odd combination of vowel sounds between the two words. I have heard Yuubi pronounced as "YOO-bee" so I have a feeling that the "mee" sound is there to differentiate between the words as a kind of placeholder.

Why have a Japanese username when I have absolutely no Japanese heritage? Besides the obvious explanation that it looks and sounds "cool", I chose Isamashii Yuubi because it is unique. I have never run into anyone else online who has the same username. The closest I've come across is someone who named their character in the mmorpg Lineage 2 "Isamashii". I am also a fan of anime and the Japanese culture has piqued my interest.

Got Pocki?

Forgiveness II

"Is it necessary for a Christian to repent of his/her sins to receive God's forgiveness?"

After much discerning prayer, research, and thought, I have figured out the answer to this question. The answer is no. It is not necessary to repent of one's sins to receive God's forgiveness. God forgives us our sins whether we repent or not. That's the reason He sent His son to us, because Christ died for us we are forgiven. He is the payment for our sins.

So if God forgives us no matter what, what is the point of repentence? Why do we have to say we're sorry and won't do it again if we're just going to be forgiven? Isn't it easier to just accept that we'll be forgiven and everything will be okay?

There seems to be a word missing here. That word is reconciliation. While God will forgive us for commiting sins, we cannot be reconciled to him without repentance. The best example of this formula for forgiveness is the story of the prodigal son. The father loves the son no matter what he does. When the son squanders his inheritance on women and booze, his father still loves him. We know this because the father gave his son his inheritance knowing full well what his youngest son would do with it. The son could have lived his entire life in this manner and his father would still love him and forgive him, but he did not go out to find him and bring him home. However, the son came back. He acknowledged his wrongdoings and expressed remorse over his actions. In return, his father prepared a feast for him and welcomed him back with open arms.

God loves us all, He forgives us because of His love for us. When we acknowledge that we have sinned, and promise to sin no more, He welcomes us home and prepares a feast for us. When we repent of our sins, not only are they forgiven but we are reconciled to God and can (by His will) enter the gates of Heaven.

Nashotah and thoughts

As can be seen by the above picture, Experience Nashotah was a bit on the chilly side. A couple of weeks ago, Wisconsin got a bit of a snowstorm, I am quite thankful to God that we got to "experience" the beautiful after-blizzard blanket rather than the frigid layering of said blanket.

This was my first real trip to Wisconsin and I must say I am quite impressed. When I moved to Texas, my mother and I rode the train across the northern US states to Chicago (and down to Texarkana, all in all a lovely trip) and that late spring was my first glimpse of such a beautiful area of the country. Unfortunately, one can only see so much through a tiny window.

Aesthetically, Wisconsin is wonderful. From the tall pines and secluded wilderness reminiscent of my youth in western Washington to the (dare I say) quaint peaked gables and bright colors of residential and commercial buildings, I have decided I could be quite at home. I look forward to the next three years (God willing) of being part of such a welcoming and fun community.

Spiritually, I have come to realize this weekend that (even though I am not the one discerning a call) I have a lot of growing to do. I am beginning to realize how I can become the supportive clergy wife Sean will need me to be. During a lecture by Fr. Klukas (we were allowed to observe several classes during our "Experience"), I realized an answer to a faith question I have pondered for years: Why is it important for us to acknowledge the pain and suffering we experience in our lives? We must do so because it is only through our pain and suffering that we can truly appreciate grace, mercy, salvation.

To use an example from this weekend, I learned that no restaurants in Wisconsin serve Diet Dr. Pepper. Neither does Nashotah House, nor even Milwaukee Airport. Although I occasionally had some tea or coffee to sate my caffeine addiction, for three days I longed for a sip of that lovely ambrosia. I would have even settled for a regular Dr. Pepper (corn syrup and all). Imagine my utter amazement when the flight attendant for the trip back to DFW produced a shining white aluminum can out of the back of the drink cart for me. For the next hour I savored the flavor of that delicious Diet Dr. Pepper, and the nagging caffeine-withdrawl migraine began to dissapate. I can drink Diet Dr. Pepper all day long, every day, going through a fridge pack in less than a week. But I only began to really appreciate having this drink when I suffered from a lack of it.

The example in +Klukas' class used 9/11 as an example of learning how to appreciate the gifts given to us in the face of tragedy. We understand that bad things happen, and if we use that understanding to strengthen our faith in Christ we begin to appreciate the sacrifice He made on our behalf. To put it bluntly, I understand that humans flying hijacked planes into skyscrapers filled with other humans is an evil act. It is an act that clearly defines right and wrong. As a result, I know that I must pray for my fellow humans and for myself. I realize my time on this earth is not long, and I begin to appreciate that Christ (through His sacrifice) has opened the door and pointed down the correct path for me to begin my journey for without Him how lost would I be!

I apologize for going off on a tangent when I intended to speak of these last few lovely days at Nashotah House, but I felt it needed to be said. For more information on the relationship of suffering and appreciation of such, please see the Gospel of Luke, chapter 15. To conclude this post, I would just like to say that this week was a blast! I <3 Nashotah!

Ash and You Shall Receive

I love Lent...and Advent...the church is all done up in purple, my favorite color ^_^

I also love these seasons because that's about the only time we do Rite I. Ever since St. Alban's combined the 9am and 11:15am Sunday services a couple of years ago, Rite I is used only during the quiet, solemn seasons of Lent and Advent. It really is a shame, I find Rite II to be rather uninspiring. I feel God's presence (not to say He isn't there anyway) much more when I am surrounded by sacred music and the rhythmic beauty of both sung and spoken older language similar to that of the Shakespearean English of the KJV rather than the boring modern English.

But dislikes aside, I look forward to Lent as a time to prepare to be washed clean again. I like to spend this season thinking about what it is I'm doing wrong with my life and try to figure out how I can change it for the better. I always have a hard time coming up with a Lenten Rule each year, but Sean gave me a good idea on the way home tonight. I noted how he is always calm, even when I'm throwing a temper tantrum. He's like a calm spot on a turbulent sea, and I can never figure out how he can be so forgiving and caring even when I'm a huge pain in the...er...neck.

So I'm thinking I will form my Lenten Rule for this year around becoming more like my name suggests (For those without a name-meaning chart, Anna means Grace). I truly want to be more graceful and less prone to anger and resentment.

Oh Blessed Jesus, look upon me with those eyes with which thou didst look upon Magdalene at the feast, Peter in the hall, the thief upon the cross: that, with the thief, I may entreat thee humbly. Remember me, Lord, in thy kingdom; that, with Peter, I may bitterly weep; that, with Magdalene, I may hear thee say, Thy sins be forgiven thee. -St Augustine

Lily

Ah, the white fuzzball. I love my cat. Since God has not blessed Sean and I with children yet, Lily is my "baby", and Sean and I are "daddy" and "mommy" to her. She's spoiled absolutely rotten, and it's all my fault. We got into the habit of feeding her bits of ham and bologna while we watch TV and eat dinner, and she now expects to have some "people food" any time we eat. She only has a bite here and there (maybe once a day?) but I'm afraid it might be contributing to her ...ahem... weight problem.

Fat or not, she's still a sweet cat and very well behaved. She knows that she's not allowed in the kitchen and will even wait in the doorway if someone is in there with food she likes. She knows what "Go to bed!" means, and will dutifully race into the bedroom and hop up on the mattress at night. She also knows that it is her bed, and we must accomodate her Royal Highness if we wish to sleep. This usually involves Mommy or Daddy falling off of the bed because she's stretched herself out sideways across the bed instead of laying vertically like a decent kitty.

She knows the apartment is hers, and intruders are definitely not allowed. In addition she realizes that she is not quite big enough to ward off intruders and usually ends up hiding under the bed. Since her Royal Highness's Royal Throne is situated under the guest bathroom sink, she requests that the door never be shut. We sometimes forget to notify our guests of this and they are quite shocked when the door pops open when they think they have privacy. The door does not quite latch properly and a good nose push from the Queen will open it quite nicely.

It has increasingly become Daddy's responsibility to make sure that her Royal Highness has breakfast in the morning. She is very vocally demanding and won't let us rest until she can no longer see the bottom of her bowl.

So now that you know a bit of her personality, I would like to direct you to my sister blog where I've posted a couple of quick sketches I completed this morning.

Does God Answer Prayers?

I was reading the DOK Province VII newsletter that came in the post this week, and came across an article about prayer, which got me to thinking about something I hear quite often. It is a question or statement that comes from the mouths of Christians and non-Christians alike. But it has a very simple answer.

Does God answer prayers?

Of course he does. God answers each and every prayer we send to Him. I think of Garth Brooks when I hear this question, how "some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers." But the truth is the He does answer prayers, it just so happens that oftentimes His answer is "No." We may not hear a booming voice from heaven or see a clear sign in our alphabet soup, but then of course He works in mysterious and subtle ways.

When I was a child, I used to pray that God would send me a daddy. My parents had divorced when I was three and I rarely saw my father. I didn't necessarily want God to unite my parents together as my father was an abusive and seriously disturbed individual, but I still wanted a daddy. My mom had a romantic interest or two when I was growing up, but they never lasted long. In fact, the only male influence in my young life was my younger first cousin. I was disappointed for years that God wasn't going to answer my prayers, and that I'd never get a daddy. It was only after I turned my life around in college, was baptized, and began a lifelong journey to know Christ that I realized He had been giving me His answer the whole time.

I didn't need a daddy, I needed a Father. Surely a daddy would have been very beneficial to me, but more than anything else I needed a Father that would forgive my sins if I only came to Him. Perhaps growing up without a daddy strengthened my resolve to never let my own children (whenever God blesses me with such ^_^) grow up without a daddy. So to answer the question, God doesn't leave prayers unanswered. He has an answer to each and every prayer we have, we need only look.

Sister Blog

I have just started a new blog, not to replace this one, but rather to showcase some of my art and hopefully gain some advice. Please feel free to check it out and lend some constructive criticism.

Forgiveness

Seeing as how the diocesan DOK Lenten Retreat is coming up, I figured I'd dwell a bit on the topic of this year's retreat. Forgiveness. Let me ask and answer a few questions as if they were being posed to a child and using hypothetical examples. I want my meanings to be clear without using fancy language to make me sound ejumacated.

What is Forgiveness? To forgive means to accept that something went wrong. To know that human beings have the gift of free will, and will use it whether to good or ill of another human being. Then to begin a healing process of moving on for the better. To use an example, lets say I have a friend named Bob, who while visiting broke a precious figurine that is a reminder of happy childhood memories. Bob apologizes for breaking the figurine, explaining that he tripped on his shoelace and knocked it off of my desk when he reached out to steady himself. I understand that this was an accident, it was not something I could control, and while the figurine meant a lot to me, I treasure my friendship with Bob more. I then forgive Bob because he knew what he did was wrong, and I would rather keep a friend than be angry about a situation I cannot control.

What is a Sin? A sin is a wrongdoing. Webster's defines a sin as a "willful breaking of a religious or moral law." In this case I believe Webster's to be a bit off. A sin is a wrongdoing whether it is willful or not. There have been times when I have commited a sin without realizing it, and it was a sin just the same. We all sin, we are all sinners. The only perfect human to ever walk this earth was Jesus Christ. Just because we are all sinners does not mean we are bad people, we just tend to do bad things sometimes.

What is Repentance? Repentance is to acknowledge or admit that one has committed a sin, admit that it is in fact a sin, regret that the sin was committed, and then promise to avoid sin. To use an example, I admit that I cuss when I encounter poor drivers on the road. To emit such filth from my mouth is wrong, and the only ones who can hear my hateful words are myself and God. It doesn't do me any good to hear myself cuss, nor is God pleased with my hatefulness. I immediately regret saying the words, and vow to myself and God that I will clean up my act. I promise to control my anger at other drivers and instead say a prayer if I feel wronged by another driver.

So using these definitions, I have one more question to ask. Is it necessary for a Christian to repent of his/her sins to receive God's forgiveness?